There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sponge bath it is.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
