I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
