Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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