you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
