the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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