feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
