the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
