I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
