I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
