a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
