Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
