I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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