hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
