her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The beer is more important than you right now.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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