belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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