I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
