I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Who died my cat blue again?
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