Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
