I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
