Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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