Can i not drive my cunt home
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
