i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
