I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
