Sponge bath it is.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is Oprah even human
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
