Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
