i don't like sucking hair
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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