There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
