I got chris browned last night
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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