i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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