Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
