I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
