I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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