I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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