She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
