My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Thereās an entire generation of people out there who didnāt grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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