quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
