we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
