what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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