What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
