how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
