we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
