Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
