He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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