I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
