I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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