I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
