The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
