my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
