3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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