How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
